


You're The Universe I'm Helpless In

by BaileyB00



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Fluff, How Do I Tag, Poetry, Sorry About It, Writing, and talks to himself, big time, changbin is a writer, felix is a sap, felix thinks a lot, idk man, like f l u f f, lotsa references to music/books, theyre both gentle bois, title comes from Venus by Sleeping At Last
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-25
Updated: 2019-03-24
Packaged: 2019-11-05 08:51:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17915696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BaileyB00/pseuds/BaileyB00
Summary: Felix has always been deeply moved by words. More specifically, he has a deep appreciation for anything poetic enough to move him. He is perusing his favorite creative writing forum one day when he finds a series of beautiful pieces posted by the same anonymous user, all signed with nothing more than the initials: s.cb.





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> this is a product of insomnia, please enjoy

_ UNTITLED. 8 July 2018 _  
_We are ghosts. All of us. We are all that remains of what once was. We are ghosts, but we have the power to affect the living. The ones who still have a chance._  
_-s.cb._

 

Felix blinked. He'd been looking for something new to read on the creative writing forum he'd fallen in love with recently, hoping that maybe he'd even find inspiration of his own, when he'd found this. The piece intrigued him. He went to click on the writer's username in the hopes that they'd posted more. . . only to find that the poster was anonymous. Felix did the only other thing he could think of: he typed the initials with which the author had signed the untitled piece into the search bar and crossed his fingers.

To Felix's delight, there were several other pieces to be found on the forum written by the mysterious s.cb. He began reading.

 

 _ On Love. 5 June 2018 _  
_I've always wanted to love. To be loved. But why would the universe give me what I want? My wellbeing is not a part of its design._  
_-s.cb._

 

This made Felix inexplicably sad. He knew it was silly; the anonymous writer was merely a stranger venting their thoughts to the Internet. However, Felix couldn't help but agree with the writer's poetic words. He read on.

 

 _ A Change of Scenery. 11 August 2018 _  
_Today is the first day at a new school. Cliché, yes, I know. The usual drama: I have no friends, now I have to start all over, the other kids don't like me much. But it's okay. These are the times when life-changing moments will happen._  
_-s.cb._

 

'That's interesting,' Felix thought. He was almost positive there'd been a new student in his own school that same day the piece had been posted. In fact, he was sure of it. The more he thought of it, the more he could recall: a pretty, dark-haired boy who rarely spoke, even more rarely smiled, and always carried a composition book with him wherever he went had appeared in his math class that day. For the life of him, he couldn't remember the boy's name. "Probably just a coincidence," Felix said to himself. He clicked on the next piece, dated the next day after the previous one.

 

 _ Life-Changing Moments. 12 August 2018 _  
_Humans are so beautiful. We don't give them enough credit. Especially the boys._  
_-s.cb._

 

Felix found himself nodding as he read. Truer words had never been spoken. Felix wished he could convey his thoughts the way the mysterious s.cb did.

 

 _ Today He Looked At Me. 15 August 2018 _  
_The eyes are the windows to the soul. I learned this today. I saw the most brilliant eyes I have ever seen. Bright. Beautiful. I will not soon forget those eyes._  
_-s.cb._

 

Felix's eyes lingered on the initials at the bottom of the piece. s.cb. Why did it sound so familiar?

Then it hit him. Like a freight train, it hit him. The new boy at his school was named Seo Changbin. s.cb.

"It's gotta be a coincidence, right?" Felix said to himself, running a hand through his hair. He'd spoken to Changbin on a few occasions since the new boy's arrival, but the other boy never said much. 'Then again,' Felix thought, 'no one's always that eloquent.' He kept reading, but this time, he couldn't help but think of Changbin as he did so.

 

 _ Addressing Him Directly. 19 August 2018 _  
_Handsome. That's what you are. I don't have the proper words; I get so mentally lost whenever I'm near you. Surely you've noticed. Surely you can tell how much of a fool I am. (Hopefully you never find this.)_  
_-s.cb._

 

"Oh my good god, _who_ is he talking about?" Felix asked aloud. At this point, Felix was convinced that s.cb was Seo Changbin. He had to know for sure. In a lightbulb moment, Felix typed a comment under the last piece, hesitating only momentarily before posting it:

 **feeeelix (10:32 PM):** I love your writing!

Tomorrow was Monday. As much as Felix dreaded Mondays, he had a mission. Tomorrow, he would talk to Changbin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly idk if I'm gonna continue this, feedback would be very much appreciated & it'll help me decide if I should keep going with this or not :)


	2. Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ope this chapter is more than twice as long as the first one

As soon as he woke up the next morning, Felix jumped out of bed more quickly than he ever had in his life. He grabbed his laptop and immediately checked the forum. His heart leapt at what he saw.

 

 **s.cb. (3:11 AM):** thank you.

 

“Oh my god, what do I _do?”_ Felix said to himself. Of course he had to reply, right? But what was he supposed to say? Steeling his nerves, he hammered on his keyboard, typing and deleting, typing and deleting, until he was finally left with:

 

 **feeeelix (7:18 AM):** you're welcome!! I can't wait to see what else you write :):)

 

Not wanting to think about it anymore, Felix shut his laptop. He got ready for school in record time and left the house for school.

Felix entered his math class with confidence the next morning. Changbin was already there; as usual, the older boy was far earlier to school than Felix ever dreamed of being. Felix quickly walked over and sat in the desk next to Changbin's.

"Hi, Changbin," Felix said.

"O-oh, uh, hi, Felix," Changbin said, startling a little as if he'd not noticed Felix until he'd spoken. He looked nervous; Felix felt his own resolve crumbling. Part of the reason Felix had never made much of an attempt to talk to Changbin before was because Changbin was intimidatingly attractive. Felix wanted to talk to him, sure; but he always worried that he'd just end up making a fool of himself. ‘Don't be a wuss,’ he mentally scolded himself. ‘There's only one way to find out if Changbin really is that writer, and this is it.’

Felix pointed to the composition book sitting on Changbin's desk. "Do you like to write?" he asked, trying his best to sound as casual as possible.

"A little, yeah."

"What kinds of things do you like to write?"

Changbin gave him a small, almost apologetic smile. "It's kinda cheesy," he said.

"Try me."

"I usually write poetry," Changbin said, breaking eye contact.

Felix smiled, his confidence returned. ‘Poetry,’ he thought. ‘This is a good sign.’

"I usually read poetry," Felix said. "Can I read some of your poems?"

"No!" Changbin said, a little too quickly. "Sorry, no. I—none of it's that good."

"Oh, come on," Felix said. "Don't be so hard on yourself! I'm sure you're a great writer."

Changbin smirked, sending Felix’s heart into his stomach. “Maybe I'll write something acceptable enough for you to read someday, okay, Felix?”

“U-uh, yeah,” Felix said, cursing himself for tripping over his words. “I'd like that.”

Felix awkwardly turned away from Changbin and pulled out his own notebook, pretending to write random words. He could feel his face turning red. Shortly afterwards, the teacher entered the classroom and class began. Felix was relieved to have something to keep his mind off Changbin and s.cb for a while.

Unfortunately (or was it fortunately?), about halfway through the lesson, a folded piece of paper fell onto Felix’s desk, right in front of his face. He looked up. Changbin had just walked past his desk; when he turned around, he looked at Felix and widened his eyes pointedly. Felix took the hint and opened the note.

 _text me and maybe, just maybe, I’ll write you a poem._  
_-s.cb._

Felix could’ve screamed right then and there. This was all the confirmation he needed. Changbin was the elusive s.cb. At the bottom of the paper, Changbin had scribbled his phone number. If he wouldn’t have gotten yelled at, he would’ve taken his phone out of his pocket immediately and saved the number. As of now, however, he had no choice but to wait.

Then a thought hit him. ‘Does he know I’m the person who commented on the forum?’ he thought. He hadn’t exactly tried very hard when thinking of a nickname, and now he was cursing himself for it. Felix sighed. ‘He probably knows,’ he thought. He spent the rest of class thinking about s.cb, Changbin, and mostly what he would text him. Eventually the bell rang, and Felix gathered his things to head to his next class.

As he stood, he ran right into Changbin. Both of them somehow managed to drop all of the things they were carrying. “Oh, uh—sorry,” Changbin muttered, red in the face.

“Sorry,” Felix said at the exact same time. He grinned sheepishly and bent down to pick up his books; Changbin did the same. As quickly as he could, Felix grabbed everything he’d dropped and rushed out of the room. He didn’t want to risk embarrassing himself further.

The rest of the morning passed by in a blur. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, the lunch bell rang. It was the only time of day during which students were allowed to use their phones; Felix planned to use his time wisely. As quickly as he could, he joined his friends at their usual table, pulled out his phone and the note from his pocket, and entered Changbin’s number. He didn’t think about what he was typing before sending the messages, which in retrospect may have been a mistake.

  
**CHANGBIN & felix (11:57 AM)**

 **felix:**  
hiiiii  
this is felix btw  
so, about that poem…  
:)))))))))

 **CHANGBIN:**  
Hi Felix.  
Not gonna lie, I didn’t think you were actually gonna take me up on that.

 **felix:**  
well,,, I didn’t say I usually read poetry for nothing lol

 **CHANGBIN:**  
so uh  
what did you want me to write?

 **felix:**  
asldkjhdglksd uhhhh  
whatever you want ?  
you’re the expert here

 **CHANGBIN:**  
okay then.

  
“Stop ignoring me,” came a whine from across the table. Jisung.

“Ignoring _you?”_ Hyunjin said to Jisung. “He hasn't said a word to any of us; he's not just ignoring you.”

“Sorry, sorry,” Felix said. He looked sheepishly at his friends.

“What's got you so distracted?” Jeongin asked.

“Well, uh,” Felix started. Not knowing how exactly to explain the situation he'd gotten himself into, he sat down his phone and gestured wordlessly at it.

Which was a mistake. The setting it down part, that is. Because as soon as he did, it was scooped up by Seungmin, who was sitting adjacent to Felix on the other side of the table.

“Hey!” Felix complained. Seungmin was scrolling through his messages with a grin on his face.

“You really should put a lock on your phone, Felix,” Seungmin said with a laugh. He looked at everyone else. “Felix is in _loooove,”_ he announced.

“With _who?”_ Jisung screeched. “And why was I not the first to know?”

“I am not,” Felix said indignantly, but it was to no avail.

“He's got the hots for someone named Changbin,” Seungmin said.

“Who's that, Felix?” Jeongin asked, wiggling his eyebrows.

“I know him,” Hyunjin said. “He's in my physics class.” He looked at Felix. “How did you manage to get his _number?_ The guy's been here nearly a month and a half, and I can't think of a single time I've heard him speak.”

“I will tell you _if_ Seungmin gives me my phone back,” Felix said, shooting a pointed glance at Seungmin.

Seungmin shook his head. “You know, I don't think I wanna—hey!”

Seungmin was interrupted by Jisung snatching the phone out of his hands. He returned the device to a very grateful Felix. “I, for one,” Jisung said, “want to hear this story.”

“He gave me a note in class today saying he'd write me a poem if I texted him, so I did,” Felix said simply.

“Okay, but why did he offer to write you a poem in the first place?” asked Jeongin.

“I second that question,” Jisung said.

“That, friends, is classified information,” Felix said, much to the dismay of the group, who groaned in response.

“You're gonna have to tell us eventually,” Seungmin said. “Especially if he ends up falling madly in love with you.”

“You could invite him to sit with us at lunch,” Hyunjin suggested. “He normally sits alone anyways. I've seen him.”

“Hmm, no,” Felix said. “At least. . . not yet.”

“You _looooove_ him,” Seungmin said.

“I'm just concerned for his sanity,” Felix retorted.

•••

That night, Felix checked the forum on his laptop. At first, nothing. He did his homework and checked again. Still nothing. Ate dinner and checked again. Nothing. Finally, before going to bed, he checked one last time. Finally, there were pieces from s.cb. Changbin.

 

 _ Earthquake. 2 October 2018 _  
_You spoke, and I shook, mountains and valleys forming within me. It was a dangerous revelation._  
_Maybe it's time for me to walk on the wild side._  
_-s.cb._

 _ Me. 2 October 2018 _  
_Heaven knows I can't speak; forming sentences in a conversation will always be my greatest downfall. But that doesn't explain my newfound confidence. Maybe it was a fluke, a temporary instance of adrenaline-fueled bravery. I pray that you aren't as fleeting._  
_-s.cb._

 _ Lovely. 2 October 2018 _  
_I've been bamboozled. Hoodwinked. Tricked by a beautiful boy. I let my guard down. But it is worth it. Because he is lovely._  
_-s.cb._

 _ Astronomy in Reverse. 2 October 2018 _  
_How is it that you've managed to capture the stars on your face?_  
_They're in your eyes, too. They shine brighter than the ones in the sky._  
_I hope you'll keep allowing me to stargaze with you._  
_-s.cb._

 

Felix shut his laptop. His head was spinning. It was late, the lights were off, and he was grinning like an idiot in the dark. Before he went to sleep, he pulled out his phone.

 

**CHANGBIN & felix (10:46 PM)**

**felix:**  
I'm looking forward to that poem  
just so you know  
;)

 **CHANGBIN:**  
good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ;))
> 
> if u caught the flatsound reference in here, congratulations, we're friends now


	3. Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally got around to updating this lmao  
> though to be fair, not only have I finished Someday My Prince Will Come this week, but I've also written the entire plot for the sequel ;))  
> all that is on top of writing this chapter pls forgive me for lowkey forgetting abt this for a hot minute

The next day in math class, Changbin didn't even look in Felix’s direction in the slightest.

That is, he didn't spare him a glance. . . until halfway through the lesson, when he slipped Felix a folded piece of slightly crumpled notebook paper. Felix's head shot up, and he looked at Changbin with eyes the size of golf balls. Changbin, on the other hand, refused still to look at him. His face was burning, though he was trying to hide it.

Felix chose to wait until the end of class to open the note, which decidedly was not the wisest choice. He could barely pay attention to the lesson; his mind was on the contents of the note slipped underneath his binder, itching to be read. Finally, with just minutes to spare until the bell rang, the lesson was over, and the teacher passed out their homework assignment for that night. ‘I'll worry about that later,’ Felix thought as he shoved the worksheet into his folder. He picked up the note and began to read.

 

 _ Hello. 3 October 2018 _  
_This was a favor to you. I was shocked, to say the least, when you asked._  
_(Most people's noses crinkle in disdain as if writing in rhymes gives them pain.)_  
_Most people look at me and immediately look away. But not you. You hold my gaze unlike anyone has ever done before. It makes me feel alive._  
_(Beautiful people normally pay me no mind.)_  
_So I'm taking this chance to say hello. It's my leap of faith, my shot in the dark, my fall of the cards, my toss of the dice._  
_(I hope you'll allow me to stick around.)_  
_-s.cb._

 

As if on cue, the bell rang as soon as Felix finished reading Changbin's poem. Changbin was still looking anywhere but at Felix; he’d hurriedly gathered his things and was making his way towards the door. Felix grabbed his own books and followed him into the hallway.

“Changbin,” Felix said quietly as he began walking beside him.

The other boy (finally) looked at Felix; his face was red and eye contact appeared to be a slightly difficult task. “Y—uh, yes?” he stammered.

Felix held up the note. “This is—”

“Oh my god, I knew I shouldn't have given it to you,” Changbin grumbled. “I'm sorry. It's long and it's stupid and it’s so different from what I usually write. You probably hate it. It's so stupid. I'm sorry.”

“What?” Felix's eyebrows shot up. “No, I—no. That's not what I was gonna say at all.”

“W-what?”

“You write _beautifully,”_ Felix said with a smile. “It wasn't stupid. I liked it. A lot.”

“Really?” Changbin asked with wide eyes.

“Of course!” Felix laughed. “I wouldn't lie, especially about something so well-written.”

Changbin stopped outside the chemistry room. “This is my next class,” he said. “Shit, are you gonna be late? Where do you have to go? Fuck, I'm sorry, you're gonna be late because of me—”

“It's okay,” Felix reassured him. “I have a free period right now, so I don't have anywhere to be.”

Changbin let out a sigh of relief. “I should go,” he said after a beat of silence.

“Wait,” Felix said. “Do you maybe wanna. . . eatlunchwithmeandmyfriends?”

“What?”

“Sorry, sorry,” Felix said. “Do—do you wanna eat lunch with me and my friends today? So you don't have to sit alone?”

Changbin looked slightly uneasy. “I don't know,” he said.

“You don't have to,” Felix said quickly. “Only if you want. Or—or I could come sit with you?” He phrased his suggestion as a question in the hopes that it would make Changbin more comfortable.

“That would be nice,” Changbin said quietly, smiling a little.

“Great!” Felix said elatedly, beaming. “I'll text you, okay?”

“Sure.”

Felix waved as he turned to leave; Changbin gave him a small wave in return and walked into his next class as the bell rang. Felix practically skipped to the school library, where he typically spent his free period. When he got there, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and sent a message to his friends.

  
**boyos (10:17 AM)**

 **felix:**  
I wont be joining you at lunch  
just so you know  
:)

 **jisung:**  
for why

 **seungmin:**  
is it not obvious  
he’s got a hot date

 **jeongin:**  
with one seo changbin

 **hyunjin:**  
???  
when did this happen

 **seungmin:**  
glad we’re on the same page jeongin

 **felix:**  
ANYWAYS  
don’t miss me too much at lunch

 **jisung:**  
don’t worry  
we won’t

 **felix:**  
thx

 **jisung:**  
welcome

 **seungmin:**  
can't help but notice that you didn't deny the “hot date” part

 **felix:**  
-_-

  
•••

 

Felix tapped his pencil on his desk. He jiggled his knee. There was five minutes left of class before the lunch bell would ring, and Felix’s history teacher was still droning on.

Finally, mere seconds before the bell would ring, the lesson was over. He practically ran out of the room as soon as the bell rang. He hurried to his locker, threw his books inside, and grabbed his lunch from the top shelf. He made his way to the cafeteria and scanned the room for Changbin. Felix was just about to take out his phone and send him a text when he spotted him sitting alone in the far corner of the cafeteria, on the opposite side of the room from where Felix normally sat.

Felix smiled as he took a seat next to Changbin. “Hi,” Felix said.

“U-uh, hi,” Changbin replied.

Felix noticed the lack of food in front of Changbin. “Aren't you going to eat anything?” he asked, looking concerned.

“Oh, I, uh,” Changbin stammered. “I forgot my lunch money at home. So no.”

Felix frowned. “Well, we can't have that,” he said, taking his own lunch out of its brown paper sack. “I always bring my own lunch, so I don't have any lunch money, but you can have half of my food.”

“Oh, Felix, I couldn't ask you to—”

“I'm not asking,” Felix said with a smile. He'd already cut his sandwich in half beforehand; he handed one half to Changbin before he could say another word. Changbin just stared at him in disbelief.

“What?” Felix questioned.

“Why are you being so nice to me, Felix?”

Felix blinked. “Because I like you?” He made the statement sound like a question. “I thought that much was obvious. And besides, why wouldn't I be nice to you?”

“Fair enough, I guess,” Changbin mumbled before biting into his half of the sandwich. Felix couldn't help but notice the faint tinge of red coloring Changbin's cheeks.

“So,” Felix said after a few minutes of silence, “about that poem.”

Changbin looked at him with wide eyes. “What about it?” he asked.

“Well, for starters," Felix said, "it was so _pretty,”_ Felix said, a grin spreading across his face. “And I know I told you that already, but it's true. You're such a good poet.”

“Thank you,” Changbin murmured.

“It wasn't very long, but I could tell you packed a lot of meaning into every single line. But I, um, I have to ask,” Felix said, “did—did you mean it when you called me beautiful?” Felix felt his face heating up as he said it.

“I pride myself on not writing lies.”

Felix's cheeks were outright burning now. “Duly noted,” he said. “I have another question.”

“Ask away, I guess,” Changbin said. “I've already dug my grave writing that poem, I might as well have you push me into it with all these questions.”

“What did you mean when you said, ‘I hope you'll allow me to stick around’ in the last line? And when you said you were ‘taking a chance’ to talk to me?”

Changbin sighed. “I was afraid you'd ask that,” he admitted. “I didn't exactly. . . have a lot of friends before I moved here. And then after the move, it was like starting right back at square one. I'm shitty enough as it is at talking to people; like, I don't even know how I'm doing this right now. I don't normally talk to pretty people and they don't normally talk to me, so—oh my god.”

“What?” Felix asked.

“Just—oh my god, _please_ just ignore that last part. I'm sorry, _this_ is why I said I'm so bad at—”

Changbin's jaw dropped when Felix placed his hand over Changbin's atop the table. “You don't have to apologize,” Felix said. “I—it's okay.”

“Really—? A-are you sure?”

Felix nodded. “And also,” he added, “you don't have to worry about me not wanting you to stick around. You're kinda stuck with me now.”

“Okay,” Changbin squeaked, and Felix could've died right there. He beamed.

“What?” Changbin asked. He looked mortified.

“Nothing,” Felix said. “I guess I'm just glad you actually wrote that poem.”

“Yeah,” Changbin said with a small smile, “I guess I am too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this may or may not be where this ends, contrary to popular belief I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing


	4. Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally planned out the rest of this fic. This chapter is the first one I've written entirely during daylight hours, aren't you proud of me?

_ Falter. 3 October 2018 _  
_Why did I do that. Why am I like this. Why am I not more like him?_  
_-s.cb._

 _ A Troubled Heart. 3 October 2018 _  
_I no longer want to be held back by Them. They don’t approve of me. But I don’t care anymore. I want to be happy. Why do They get to decide that I shouldn’t be happy? I am the one who is supposed to decide._  
_But it is overwhelming to go against the grain._  
_I want to be around him. I want to hold his hand. I want to know him, and I want him to know me._  
_Will he let me? Will I let myself?_  
_-s.cb._

 _ Live Outside the Lines. 3 October 2018 _  
_I took a chance. He didn't know it, but my heart was an earthquake in my chest the entire time._  
_But it was a good earthquake. It left me feeling like I could conquer the world with my words._  
_-s.cb._

 _ A Recap of Today. 3 October 2018 _  
_I couldn’t believe that any of it was happening. Every second was entirely new. It was like a movie. It was like a dream. It was everything. You were everything._  
_-s.cb._

 _ Polar Opposites. 4 October 2018 _  
_That's what we are. You are Venus, bright and hot. You know nothing but happiness, love, warmth._  
_I, on the other hand, am Pluto, cold and dull. The farthest object in the solar system from the sun’s addicting warmth. The last person in which people would find the things that make you so wonderful._  
_I don't understand why Venus has left its place in the universe to pay lonely Pluto a visit. But I wouldn't trade it for the world._  
_-s.cb._

 

It was two in the morning. Felix was staring at the screen of his laptop with bleary eyes. He couldn't sleep, so he'd opened the forum to check for any more writing from Changbin. ‘I can't wait to talk to him,’ Felix thought as he fumbled in the dark of his room for his cell phone.

  
**CHANGBIN & felix (2:04 AM)**

 **felix:**  
GOD I LOVE YOUR POETRY

 **CHANGBIN:**  
thank you, but why are you telling me this now?  
…………………  
Oh my god  
Please don't tell me...

 **felix:**  
I read that stuff you posted

 **CHANGBIN:**  
All of it?

 **felix:**  
all of it.  
as in, ALL of it all of it  
I've read all of your poems you've posted so far

 **CHANGBIN:**  
Oh my fucking god.  
aosishsksiwjakshssvaliwgaosus  
I'm going to self-destruct  
This is SO EMBARRASSING

 **felix:**  
how come?  
I think your poems are fantastic  
:)

 **CHANGBIN:**  
OH would you look at the time  
It’s very late.  
I'm going to sleep. Right now.  
You should too

 **felix:**  
see you tomorrow, binnie :)))

 

•••

 

Felix made it to school uncharacteristically early the next day. Which meant he also beat Changbin to math class. He sat in his usual desk next to Changbin's and waited patiently for the other boy to arrive.

When Changbin walked in, he immediately turned bright red. He couldn’t look Felix in the eyes. He shuffled across the room to his desk, and only when he was sitting in his seat did he dare look in Felix’s direction. He refrained from talking, however; almost immediately after Changbin took his seat, the teacher began the lesson.

After the lesson, the teacher passed out the homework assignment for that day, and the other students began talking amongst themselves. Changbin took this opportunity to turn to Felix. “Hi,” he said quietly.

“Hi,” Felix said, smile radiant.

“Why did you text me at two in the morning?”

“I had to,” Felix said solemnly. “It was urgent.”

“And you. . .” he trailed off. “You really read all of my poems?”

“All of them,” Felix confirmed.

Changbin looked like he wanted to run away. He buried his face in his hands and mumbled, “Oh my god.”

“What?” Felix asked.

“You read all of my shitty poetry,” Changbin groaned, putting his head down on his desk. “I’m—”

“You better not be apologizing,” Felix warned. Changbin’s head snapped up at that, eyes questioning. “Remember when I said you’re stuck with me?” Felix said with a small smile.

The bell rang before Changbin could respond. He just stared at Felix with wide eyes and a dumbstruck expression on his face. “Come on,” Felix said. “I’ll walk you to your next class.”

That was all the coaxing Changbin needed. He quickly stood and shoved his notebook and textbook into his backpack. He stood, and as soon as he threw his backpack over his shoulder, Felix took Changbin’s hand in his.

“Uh,” Changbin said, face burning. Felix only smiled. “Let’s go,” he said. Changbin nodded, and soon the two of them were walking hand in hand in the hallway. Changbin’s hand trembled slightly in Felix’s grip as they made their way toward the science wing. Worried he’d done something wrong, Felix leaned in close to Changbin’s ear and said, “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Changbin breathed. “I’m just—people are staring.”

“Are they?”Felix whispered. He genuinely hadn't noticed if anyone has truly been looking at them. “You don’t have to hold my hand if it makes you uncomfortable.”

Changbin looked Felix in the eyes. “I'm not—okay, maybe I'm a little uncomfortable. But it's not because of you,” he added quickly when Felix began loosening his grip on Changbin's hand. “It's—it's kind of a long story.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Felix asked, concern coloring his voice.

“Maybe another time,” Changbin said.

“Okay,” Felix replied. “Just one more thing before I go.” He leaned in until mere inches separated his and Changbin's faces. “I wanted to thank you properly for those poems,” he said before pressing a kiss to Changbin's cheek. Changbin's face turned bright red, but at least he was smiling. “See you at lunch?” Felix asked.

“Yeah,” Changbin said in a far-away voice. “Lunch.”

 

•••

 

Felix couldn't find Changbin at lunch.

He sat down somewhat dejectedly at his usual table with Jisung, Seungmin, Hyunjin, and Jeongin after scanning the entire cafeteria for the boy. He wasn't sitting at the same table as yesterday, nor did he appear to be at any table in the room.

“Aren't you looking pleasant today,” Jisung said sarcastically as Felix joined his friends at the lunch table. “Something wrong?”

“It's nothing,” Felix sighed, “I—”

Suddenly, someone slumped onto the bench at the end of the table next to Felix. His head snapped up to face the newcomer. “Hi,” Changbin said.

Felix's jaw dropped. “Well, if it isn't Felix's hot date from yesterday!” Seungmin said with a grin before Felix could say anything. “Nice to finally meet you.”

“Uh, thanks?” Changbin said. He kept glancing quickly back and forth between Felix and his friends. He was sitting close enough for Felix to be able to physically feel how anxious the boy was; he exuded nervous energy. In an attempt to soothe him, Felix took Changbin’s hand in his for the second time that day. “It's okay,” he said quietly. Changbin began to relax slightly at his words, for which Felix was immensely grateful.

Of course, when Felix turned back to face his friends, every single one of them were staring at him and Changbin with huge grins on their faces.

“That was cute as hell, Lix,” Jisung said. Jeongin, sitting next to him, nodded furiously in agreement.

“S-shut up,” Felix muttered, the tips of his ears turning pink.

“Hey, Changbin,” Hyunjin said, “I know you just sat down, and I know you're Felix's lunch date and all—”

“I guess you guys are just never gonna let me live,” Felix interjected.

“—but I was wondering,” Hyunjin continued, “do you have any idea what we're doing in physics right now? Because I sure as hell don't.”

“Well, kind of,” Changbin said. “I did well enough on the mini quiz.”

“Can you please explain it to me? I feel like a complete idiot in that class.”

“I wonder why?” Seungmin said, earning himself an elbow to the ribs. He yelled, and Hyunjin, satisfied, turned his attention back to Changbin.

“We're talking about Newton’s universal law of gravitation, so. . .” Changbin trailed off.

“I know that much. I can handle the math part, it’s the concepts.”

“Do you know what Newton’s universal law of gravitation says?” Changbin asked; Hyunjin shook his head. “It says that everything in the universe attracts everything else in the universe with a force directly proportional to the product of their masses and inversely proportional to the distance between them,” Changbin explained. “Basically, two objects that are close together have a higher attraction to each other than two objects that are far away from each other. How high that attraction is in either situation depends on how massive the objects are.”

“He and Felix would know about that,” Seungmin said at the same time Hyunjin said, “Lix, your boyfriend is a genius.”

Changbin and Felix looked at each other. Both of them were relieved to find that the other was equally embarrassed; both of their faces were bright red. Felix’s friends cooed at them; the sight of them was too precious.

The rest of lunch went quite smoothly after that in Felix’s opinion; Changbin slowly began warming up to Felix’s friends and he stopped letting the comments about the two of them (mostly from Seungmin and Jisung) fluster him so much. When the bell rang signalling the end of lunch rang, Felix and Changbin stood. Changbin smiled at Felix. Felix had never seen him smile so wide.

“Talk to you later, Felix,” Changbin said.

“Yeah,” Felix replied, returning his smile. “Talk to you later.”

 

•••

  
**CHANGBIN & felix (11:37 PM)**

 **CHANGBIN:**  
ffelix  
im sorry  
i canf talkt o yoy anymorw

 **felix:**  
Changbin?  
what’s wrong???

 **CHANGBIN:**  
itsmy dad  
he took my la ptop  
he reaf my poemd  
he knows im gay felix  
ohm y gof  
hes so mad  
hes gonna killme  
wh at am i gonna d o  
im shakinf so hard

 **felix:**  
oh my god  
are you okay??  
what can I do to help??

 **CHANGBIN:**  
im sorry felix  
i cant talkto you anymorw  
hes gonna kill me and itll only makr it worsw if i keep talkinf to you  
im sorry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry


	5. Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, folks. the last chapter. I've had most of this chapter written for a while now, and I was gonna wait to post it, but I decided not to be cruel ;)

Neither Thursday nor Friday did Changbin show up to school. Needless to say, Felix was worried sick. He wasn’t answering any of his messages, either.

  
**CHANGBIN & felix (7:15 AM)**

 **felix:**  
Changbin?  
are you okay?

  
**CHANGBIN & felix (9:37 AM)**

 **felix:**  
I hope youre doing alright

  
**CHANGBIN & felix (11:23 AM)**

 **felix:**  
I’m really worried about you.

  
**CHANGBIN & felix (3:33 PM)**

 **felix:**  
please answer me binnie.  
I’m worried about you.

  
**CHANGBIN & felix (5:12 PM)**

 **felix:**  
please talk to me.

  
**CHANGBIN & felix (11:51 PM)**

 **felix:**  
good night, Changbin.  
I hope it’s a good night for you.

**CHANGBIN & felix (6:16 AM)**

**felix:**  
idk if you’re not answering because you won’t or because you can’t  
but I just wanted to tell you:  
I care about you. a lot. and I miss talking to you. I won’t keep bothering you if you really think that’s what’s best.  
I just really hope things get better for you.

  
By the time Friday came, Felix was exhausted. He hadn’t slept well; he spent most of his time worrying about Changbin. What had happened after Wednesday night? He hadn’t a clue. All he knew was from Changbin’s messages: his dad had found out that Changbin liked boys, and he wasn’t happy about it. In the back of his mind, Felix was grateful that his own family had been supportive of him, but the forefront of his thoughts were focused on Changbin. To make matters worse, when Felix checked the forum, every single piece that Changbin had posted had been deleted.

The day dragged on. Felix was quiet at lunch; he barely said a word. The others chattered along as usual, but even they could sense Felix’s poor mood.

“Are you okay, Lix?” Seungmin asked quietly.

“I’ll be fine.”

“Does. . . does it have something to do with Changbin?” asked Jisung.

“I said I’ll be fine,” Felix snapped. Silence fell over the lunch table. Felix ran a hand through his hair. “Sorry, guys,” he muttered. “I’m just. . . I’m sorry.”

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Jeongin asked. “Maybe if you talk about it, you’ll feel better.”

“Thanks,” Felix said, “but I really don’t feel like talking about anything.”

“Just let us know,” Hyunjin said as Felix stood to leave. “You know we’re here for you, Felix.”

“I know,” Felix said with a small smile. “And I appreciate it. But maybe next time, okay?”

The four of them nodded as Felix left. He’d barely touched his food, but he didn’t care. He wasn’t hungry anyway.

•••

**CHANGBIN & felix (6:37 PM)**

**CHANGBIN:**  
[Location sent.]

  
Felix had never driven so fast in his entire life.

Changbin was at the lake. He was waiting. Felix didn’t even take the time to reply; he just immediately jumped into his car and drove. He flew through the city streets until he was out of town. Once outside city limits, he was flying. He sped down the highway as fast as he dared towards the lake that lay just five miles away.

‘What if he doesn’t want to see me?’ he thought. Then, ‘That’s ridiculous, why would he have messaged me if he didn’t want to talk to me?’

His heart hammered as he arrived at the lake. He couldn’t see Changbin. He parked his car and jumped out to search for the boy when he heard a voice behind him.

“You got here quick.”

Felix whipped around. Changbin. “Come sit by the water with me?” Changbin asked. Felix nodded rapidly, following Changbin to the lake’s shore, where the two of them sat at the base of a tree. Changbin leaned against Felix, and Felix grasped Changbin’s hand like it was the last time they’d ever be this close to each other. For all Felix knew, it was.

“I wasn’t sure you’d come,” Changbin said, breaking the silence.

Felix’s head shot up, and he looked at Changbin bewilderedly. “You’re kidding me, right?” he asked. “I—why wouldn’t I come? I’ve been worried sick about you.”

“Your messages,” Changbin said quietly. “You said you were going to stop bothering me. You weren’t, by the way. Bothering me.”

“So you were reading them,” Felix mused. “Changbin, what _happened?_ I was so scared when you messaged me the other night.”

Changbin took a deep breath. “It was my dad,” he said. “He’s always been kind of an asshole, ever since I was a little kid. I’ve always liked to write, but according to him, that’s too girly. So I started hiding everything I wrote. When I finally got a laptop, I was able to hide things a little easier than when I was writing in my notebook.

“But then,” Changbin continued, his voice lowering, “the other day, he decided to take my laptop. He didn’t even say why. Half an hour later, he came into my room and just started screaming at me. He—he read all my poems, Felix. All the ones about you.” There were tears pooling in Changbin’s eyes. “He was so angry. He called me disgusting. He said so many horrible things.”

A tear ran down Changbin’s cheek, and Felix wiped it away with his thumb. “I’m so sorry, Binnie,” Felix whispered. “I’m so sorry.” Felix pulled Changbin close to him and just let him cry. His heart twisted painfully at the sound; he only wanted Changbin to be happy.

Eventually, Changbin’s tears slowed, and he remained in the comfort of Felix’s arms. “I have something for you,” Changbin said. “Something I wrote.”

He sat up and pulled a folded piece of notebook paper. He handed it to Felix, who looked at him with wide eyes.

“Are you gonna read it?” Changbin asked.

“I—of course,” Felix stammered. “I just—what happened? With your dad? Are you going to be okay?”

“My mom kicked him out,” Changbin said with a small smile. “He's never been great to her or to me, and after she found out about what happened on Wednesday, that was the final straw for her. He left this morning.”

“Changbin, that's—that's great!” Felix exclaimed, a grin spreading across his face.

“Yeah,” Changbin replied, “it is. Now will you please just read what I wrote for you?”

“Absolutely.”

 

 _ You're The Universe I'm Helpless In. 6 October 2018 _  
_You came into my life at the absolute perfect time. Things were rough. Life was tough. But then you, beautiful, bright, kind, kicked down my door and broke down my walls._  
_At first I was terrified. Why were you wasting your time on me? Every second with you ~~felt~~ feels like drifting through space. Because of you, I’ve left my predetermined place in the universe and set off in search of where I truly belong. _  
_I think I’ve found it. As I’ve drifted, I’ve reached a world of happiness and warmth. It is comforting in a way I’ve never known before._  
_You are the world. You are the universe. I am a helpless wanderer, traversing your world of light, searching for a place to call my own._  
_We could explore this brave new world together. It would be a grand adventure._  
_Won’t you join me on my way home?_  
_-s.cb._

 

By the time Felix finished reading, he was crying.

“Oh, fuck,” Changbin said, “oh shit, you’re crying. Did I—did I do something wrong? Oh my god—”

“Changbin!” Felix said, laughing through his tears. The boy stopped talking, and Felix wrapped his arms around Changbin in a bone-crushing hug. “I don’t even know what to say,” Felix whispered. His heart was so full, and he wanted Changbin to know that, but he didn’t have the words to convey everything he was feeling in that moment.

Changbin looked Felix in the eyes and smiled widely. Then he did the last thing Felix expected him to do in that moment: he leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to his cheek.

Felix’s skin burned where Changbin’s lips had been. His face was mere inches away. Felix could feel Changbin’s breath on his face. Before he knew what he was doing, he was kissing Changbin. Changbin brought a hand up to Felix’s face, and Felix curled his fingers into Changbin’s shirt. Suddenly, Felix knew what Changbin meant when he said he felt like he was drifting through space. Kissing Changbin was like being weightless.

Felix pulled away ever so slightly, just enough to be able to look Changbin in the eyes. “Why—why did you stop?” Changbin asked.

“Because I want to tell you something,” Felix said.

“O-okay.”

Felix leaned forward and pressed his forehead to Changbin’s. He pressed a soft kiss to Changbin’s lips once, twice, three times.

“Are you going to tell me or not?” Changbin whined. “Not that I’m complaining. But you’ve got me on the edge of my seat here.”

Felix smiled. He spoke in a voice just above a whisper, just loud enough for Changbin to hear him over the gentle lapping of water against the shore of the lake.

“I’d love to explore the universe with you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> all's well that ends well, am I right or am I right

**Author's Note:**

> here is my [tumblr,](https://bbaileyb00.tumblr.com/) if you wanna come yell at me ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


End file.
